Procrastination

So, did I ever get around telling you about my mental block? I guess not, because I have a mental block about it. 

I have a serious problem about getting things done. Especially stuff that I will feel bad about not getting done. Like paying bills on time (I always pay them, but also always one day late). Like watering my houseplants (I can observe them needing water and think about watering them every day for a week or so before I get around to doing it. Delaying these things always puts me in a spot of self hatred and loathing. 

But I have a way out. A sure way of getting these things done. 

It is an app. A reminder app that I can set to 'Remind me to do this at the end of the month', OR, 'Remind me to do this every 7 days'.. When the time is up it asks me if the task is completed, and if it is not there is a snooze button that delays the task one day (/hour/minute). If the task should be performed at regular intervals, like watering the flowers, the reminder resets to e.g. 7 days once I press 'task completed'...

So, every time I pay my bills late or avoid watering the flowers I think of getting around to programming the app and how great it would be for me. But I am never getting around to actually doing that either. I procrastinate doing the thing that would help me with my procrastination. And I have also procrastinated writing this blog post for years, but I finally got around doing it. 

(The app would also be great for reminding people to take their medicine...)

Kickstarter idea - who is with me?

A product idéa that has been brewing in my mind for awhile has finally cristalysed due to the last days of reports of people all over panic buying toilet paper...

The hardest thing to remember is to restock the bathroom supply of TP. You can sit there, take the last roll (or sometimes even the last square), and you believe, you really believe, that you will remember to go to the closet and bring more rolls to the bathroom. Or that you will, directly after washing up, go and add it to the shopping list. But we all know deep in our minds, that there exists no thought that is more fleeting than this one. As soon as you have exited the bathroom any trace of it is gone.

What we all need is a rubber band with 'Restock The TP' written on it that you put on the last roll in the bathroom. When you take that roll you put the rubber band on your wrist and are not allowed to remove it until you put it around a new 'last' roll in the bathroom.

I've started a kickstarter campaign to bring in enough cash to get the production rolling. Who is with me? (No, of course I have not done that, but if you do, please send me one of the finished products.)
 

Heureka

Ok, this is the one, the one that will make me rich!

Put a kid anywhere near a shower and you know that the wailing will commence. I have spent years of deep thoughts and careful analysis of the situation and I have come up with the ultimate solution that once and for all will solve this problem. A solution that will end the wailing and put a smile on every kid and every parent come bath time: Shower brows! 

Kids only has these tiny, barely visible, eyebrows that is no match for the flow of water and soaps which then of course ends up in the eyes of the innocent child. A pair of thick, bushy, glue on eyebrows that would make any pensioner proud will deflect the flow around the eyes and make shampooing a breeze! 

Ok internet, you know the drill by know: I give you the idea for a couple of the finished products (and a piece of the business, lets say 25% of the profits)

My latest Great business Idea

What do you think of this: Buying up vacuum cleaner bags from families with children and mining them for Lego pieces.

The Guerilla Bicycle Repair man

I once had a great idea that I forgot to tell you about, but better late than never right?

What do you think about my chances if I applied for money (from the EU) to do some guerilla bike repair.

You know all the bike parking-lots around town. If you look closely you see that often more than half (yes, I have actually been out collecting the statistics) are in some kind of disrepair. Many people are not that handy and when their bike fails, via a flat tyre, broken breaks or worn down chain it often becomes a hurdle to large to conquer. So they leave the bike at the closest stand and continues on with their life. A life that is a little less environmentally friendly, a life with less spontaneous everyday workout, a life that is just a little bit worse than it was before.

So, my idea is to stealthily repair the bikes. Ill pick the lock, repair the flat tyres, grease up the chain, fix the breaks, give it a quick polish and lock it again. Ill leave behind a note stating that

'This bike was repaired by the Guerilla Bicycle Repair man, with funds from the EU

Fare well, and remember to use a helmet'

Yes, I know that you can get your bike repaired at the shop, but you don't do you? The hurdle is too great. You use your car instead. Because that is easy. And then you get used to the car again. And then the bike gets forgotten... But if you one day happen to walk by your old bike and sees that, hey? what?, is that my bike?! Cool new tyres (special ones with my Guerilla Bicycle Repair man logo on and a EU flag)... You see? Isn't it a great idea? Would not people get on their bikes again? Is it not a great way to help save the environment? To help fight the growing health problems?

I am doing it, I am f***ing doing it. Anybody know where I should send my application? And where to get custom tyres made?

Cucumber glue!!!

Whilst cleaning the daycare today I came up with yet another one of my classic Great Ideas! Who is with me in developing a totally eco-friendly strong as shit glue out of cucumber? Nothing sticks to a linoleum floor as good as a slice of that green stuff left to really dry out. There must be some magic going on there and I bet that the power can be applied to other materials as well.

Solution:

This is how we ought to solve the problem of low security around our nuclear plants (in regards to this):

1. Put up sign: Trespassers will be shot.
2. Shoot trespassers.

How the hell can we swedes be so fucking weak in regards to something so fucking important?

Fun project, who is with me?

Just got an incredibly funny idea watching CSI NY.

Lets go through all films and TV series that has ever shown a fingerprint. We will build a register and do a serious analysis of them. What do you think? Is every fingerprint shown on CSI actually one and the same? Can we match prints to actors/staff on the shows? Will we discover that the prints are not real but just an artists rendering?

Who has got the time to spare? Who wants to be on the front page on WIRED? Who is with me?

To: Colgate

I just had the greatest idea in a long time.
You know the feeling you have when you, after a hard workout for example, almost fall asleep on the couch watching the tube (yes we still own a fat screen), and you drag yourself up and into the bathroom to just brush your teeth before falling comatose on the bed, but the act of brushing makes you feel alert again? Well, it happens to me quite often... So, what we need is a toothpaste with some fast acting sleep medicine!
Of course there must be a counter part that you can use in the morning, paste with caffeine or something similar.
The different tubes must be marked in such a way that mix ups are avoided at all costs.
Come on Colgate! I'm giving it away. Do it!

Idea

I'm giving away another great idea, an idea that I got today for no specific reason...

It's a tweak to google-calendar (etc) that I call 'Don't forget to call your mother on Mothers day you nitwit'. In addition to reminding you of doing it, it actually checks your call-list, and if you, by the end of the day have not called her, your phone actually dials the number for you.

Somebody make it happen. Please.

Globe

Why have I never been forced to paint a Globe?
To actually mark out where on earth everything is on an actual globe, to draw the latitudes and longitudes, continents and countries, oceans and rivers, would have taught me so incredibly much about geography. It would be a knowledge that would burn itself deep in the brain of anyone doing it.
Why is that not an obligatory assignment in school? Is there no time somewhere between the first and ninth year in the swedish educational system where such a task could fit in? Flat maps only distorts the understanding of the world, they teach me nothing. I say 'To hell with flat maps!'. I firmly believe that the world would be a better place if everyone was forced to carry around their own painstakingly crafted globes where ever they went. 

Adopting a park

Whilst visiting the west coast this summer I read about a project in the local paper (gp) that really struck home with me. It was someone who was fed up with the incredible amount of trash that washes up on the shores of all the islands around the coast, and had started a 'adopt an island' project. I.e. a private person can sign up for an island and then take responsibility for the removal of trash from its shores. I have no idea of how serious the project was but the idea is great. So great that I started a similar project, albeit closer to home, and so far, I am the only person who knows about it (but who knows, it might grow):

'Adopt a park'. The children playgrounds around here, and anywhere, are completely littered with trash. There are of course people employed to keep them clean, but they only come once or twice a week and they do not really put their soules into the cleaning. Cigarett buts, candy wrappers, soda cans, pieces of paper, glass and plastics still covers the ground. So I started picking up everything that did not belong in a part (maybe 150m²) of the park that we visit most frequently, and now I do this every time I am there. My hope is that people litter less if it is really clean, and maybe it is so. But even if it not so, I can at least play in (a small part of) a park knowing that my kids will not choke on a bottle cap or start chewing on a cigarett butt. My second hope is that it will catch on and spread to other irritated parents that are fed up with the sorry state of things.

I have so far not done anything to promote my idea, but I have thought of ways to do it. To put up a sign 'This park is maintained by the following persons:... and was last cleaned by:...' might be a good idea. Or to write a blog post about it, a post that will be read by hundreds and hundreds of people. Or maybe I should call a reporter from the local newspaper.

Science

Walking home from a park last week I got a brilliant research idea.
To fill a plane up with distilled water and drop it out of the sky (the water that is, not the plane). To simulate rain. And then to collect some of it as it falls to the ground and analyze it, to see what has gotten disolved.
I can not say why it is brilliant, I just feel that it is (maybe it has already been done). I do not know what new knowledge that could be deduced, but I bet that there is enough there to warrant someone (who takes some time to write a grant proposal) a big wad of doe. That someone is not me, but I would gladly take part of the work.

A doctors note

I am rather pleased with myself for the brilliant idea I had last week.
If you are about three years old and happen to hurt yourself, you are only allowed to cry if you have a note from your doctor that says that you are actually in pain.
The rule came in to effect after a sudden surge in small accidents that resulted in disproportional amounts of tears and a constant need of the pacifier. No more I said. Do you have a doctors note I said. And it works. The 'test subject' gets distracted and in nine out of ten cases the tears ceases. Now if the tears do keep coming,  I am not really so cruel that I force him to work his way through the healthcare system to actually get affirmation from his doctor (that would only add more pain), I simply take care of the injury the best I can (a hug and to blow a little puff of air in the general direction of the hurt section of his body takes care of most injuries...)

Bad parenting - Update

A while ago I wrote about an idea that I had - to teach your kid something that is entirely wrong, just for the fun of it. Now I don't know anymore... Tage still insists that 'turning on the lights' is in fact when you turn them off, and vice versa. Totally without any encouragement from either of us adults, more the opposite. This has led to several fights, e.g. when we visited some friends and he and a girl got into a dark room and played with flashlights. After a while there was some shouting going on, so the other dad went in and turned on the lights and both kids started shouting Turn off the Lights!!! - so he did, and Tage continued to insist that he should turn off the lights, confused he turned the lights on again, and both kids just kept screaming for the lights to be turned off... This continued for some time. The other dad came out looking seriously bumfuzzled.

It is mildly amusing, but I can not help to wonder if maybe it will be dangerous at some point in his life. Maybe there will come a moment when something big depends on a light being turned on or off, and instinctively he will do the wrong thing. Some things are best to have a solid and correct understanding of and that understanding should not be played with by dads who have to much time on their hands.

I am certain that there is a Nobel price in my future

The nurse at my doctors office told me, when I asked for some advice about my broken back, that I should eat the maximum amount of non-prescription pain pills. That I should combine paracetamol and ibuprofen (i.e. Alvedon and Ipren) to get a maximum effect. So, it came to me, the Nobel price winning idea: Making a pill that contains both substances! Alvepren! The maximum effect in One small pill! I can assure you that it would be a big seller.
I am giving the idea away to the pharmaceutical companies, but I do want the price money and a seat at the kings table!

Something I do not understand

There is something that I do not understand with regards to the new body scanners used at more and more airports. As I understand it people are upset that the security personnel get to see them in the nude and they feel uncomfortable about that. That I get. What I do not get is why the security personnel needs to see the nude images. I bet that it would be bloody easy to construct a program that analyses the images and looks for suspicious things (hidden blades and plastic explosives and so on) and returns a green or a red light for the person And destroys the image in the process. Hence no-one would ever get so see anyone naked, the check would be faster and more secure than by visual inspection and everyone would be happy campers. Personally I would feel much less violated by such a system. Now if I only had thousands of readers I bet that this idea would quickly find its way to the people in charge and they would have everything sorted within a fortnight.

Lyxfällan

I think that before a country would be eligible for the huge 'chrisis package' that IMF has put together, the country in question should first have to participate in a Lyxfällan special. That would be a great show. A couple of economists would stand there in front of the budget board and try to make the country realize what their problem is. (The country is silent in the conversation below. It just stands there looking ashamed and tries to hold back its tears)

-So, how much do you spend on the military? On social services? On pensions?
-And what loans do you have? Don't you understand that these sms loans that you took last year have a huge interest?
-Do you save anything for a rainy day? No?  You really should have.
-Ok, so if you sum it all up you see that your income, in form of taxes, is half of your spendings. It does not add up does it? You really need to think this through during the night.

// later in a bar, the economists talking //
-I really do not know if we can save this country.
-No, I agree. They must have seen this coming a long time and just let it happen. I think it might be to late now.
-What we have to do is to sell of any assets that they might have, what can you get for an island on ebay?
-And we have to try to do something about their loan situation. Thirty thousand different sms loans, plus all their credit cards that they have maxed out.. Maybe we can go and see if IMF could do something...

I really think this would be an excellent TV-show.

Great idea

K got a fantastic idea this morning. And I do realize that it would take a lot of research to get it to work but I also know that all the money spent would be paid back hundred-fold the day the finished product hits the market. So here it is, we give it away for free for anyone to develop (all we want is one of the finished products): A snooze button on kids!!!

Tile stickers

Just got another great idea! Do you know of the stickers that you can put on tiles? A cheap and quick way to change the appearance of a boring white kitchen. Wouldn't it be a great idea to make such stickers but with a couple of standard recipes (like pancakes, meatballs, tomato sauce) so that you didn't have to look it up in a book? Wouldn't i't be perfect for a student kitchen? Can't you imagine going in to Designtorget and finding this product? Are you sure that you don't know any entrepreneurs that could turn my fantastic ideas into money (and give some of it to me)?