I-lands problem

Did I ever tell you about our elevator?
No?
Well, here goes.
It is a regular elevator, you open a door, get in, press a button and the elevator takes you up or down. Just like an elevator is supposed to do.
But.
The buttons are labeled in a fashion that makes anyone not aware of it totally confused. The ground floor is nr 2. So if you want to go one floor up, i.e. to floor nr 1, you press 3. And so on. And if you get in to the elevator on one of the upper floors and have a desire to get out of the building you must press 2. That problem is usually avoided by marking the ground floor with, for example, a green button, but not in our elevator.
To add to the confusion, the list in the lobby is also numbered wrong. We, who live two stairs up, live on the third level according to the list. So, that is, If you walk, you go Two stairs up, to the Third level. But if you take the elevator you should press nr 4. Logical right?
The elevator also has a button that you can press to get the door to open if you are to lazy to actually push the door open, or if you are crippled, in wich case my sarcastic tone in the beginning of this sentence should be ignored. The door opening mechanism only works on some of the floors, But, if you press the button anywhere the motor on the bottom floor spins into action trying to open a door that is locked, cause the elevator ain´t there.
To top it all of, as the elevator arrives at a floor it slows down, stops and then after a little to long time (maybe 0.5 seconds) the door makes a sound indicating that it is now open. During my professional career as a mailman I have tried to fine tune my elevator door opening skills so that I open the door the exact moment as the door is unlocked, much in the same way that Usain Bolt explodes out of the starting blocks, But my own elevator fools me every time. You see, the door actually opens 0.2 seconds After the sound that my brain interprets as the start-gun. Hence I bump into the door with my shoulder and bounce back, leaving me standing there, with a warning for false start hanging over me...

So, that was the story of our elevator. Hope you enjoyed.