a blog about nothing
2012-09-21
20
Any day you can count the number of teeth of one child on the other child's skin is a good day. Or no, wait, that sounds wrong.
2012-09-16
Adopting a park
Whilst visiting the west coast this summer I read about a project in the local paper (gp) that really struck home with me. It was someone who was fed up with the incredible amount of trash that washes up on the shores of all the islands around the coast, and had started a 'adopt an island' project. I.e. a private person can sign up for an island and then take responsibility for the removal of trash from its shores. I have no idea of how serious the project was but the idea is great. So great that I started a similar project, albeit closer to home, and so far, I am the only person who knows about it (but who knows, it might grow):
'Adopt a park'. The children playgrounds around here, and anywhere, are completely littered with trash. There are of course people employed to keep them clean, but they only come once or twice a week and they do not really put their soules into the cleaning. Cigarett buts, candy wrappers, soda cans, pieces of paper, glass and plastics still covers the ground. So I started picking up everything that did not belong in a part (maybe 150m2) of the park that we visit most frequently, and now I do this every time I am there. My hope is that people litter less if it is really clean, and maybe it is so. But even if it not so, I can at least play in (a small part of) a park knowing that my kids will not choke on a bottle cap or start chewing on a cigarett butt. My second hope is that it will catch on and spread to other irritated parents that are fed up with the sorry state of things.
I have so far not done anything to promote my idea, but I have thought of ways to do it. To put up a sign 'This park is maintained by the following persons:... and was last cleaned by:...' might be a good idea. Or to write a blog post about it, a post that will be read by hundreds and hundreds of people. Or maybe I should call a reporter from the local newspaper.
'Adopt a park'. The children playgrounds around here, and anywhere, are completely littered with trash. There are of course people employed to keep them clean, but they only come once or twice a week and they do not really put their soules into the cleaning. Cigarett buts, candy wrappers, soda cans, pieces of paper, glass and plastics still covers the ground. So I started picking up everything that did not belong in a part (maybe 150m2) of the park that we visit most frequently, and now I do this every time I am there. My hope is that people litter less if it is really clean, and maybe it is so. But even if it not so, I can at least play in (a small part of) a park knowing that my kids will not choke on a bottle cap or start chewing on a cigarett butt. My second hope is that it will catch on and spread to other irritated parents that are fed up with the sorry state of things.
I have so far not done anything to promote my idea, but I have thought of ways to do it. To put up a sign 'This park is maintained by the following persons:... and was last cleaned by:...' might be a good idea. Or to write a blog post about it, a post that will be read by hundreds and hundreds of people. Or maybe I should call a reporter from the local newspaper.
2012-09-01
I am old
Today I asked Tage if I should crank down the windows in the car, and he immediately retorted that 'No dad, you push a button. There is no crank'. I had to explain to him that back in the day, when I was young, there were no such thing as electrical windows. Damn it, I am old.
2012-08-19
Science
Walking home from a park last week I got a brilliant research idea.
To fill a plane up with distilled water and drop it out of the sky (the water that is, not the plane). To simulate rain. And then to collect some of it as it falls to the ground and analyze it, to see what has gotten disolved.
I can not say why it is brilliant, I just feel that it is (maybe it has already been done). I do not know what new knowledge that could be deduced, but I bet that there is enough there to warrant someone (who takes some time to write a grant proposal) a big wad of doe. That someone is not me, but I would gladly take part of the work.
To fill a plane up with distilled water and drop it out of the sky (the water that is, not the plane). To simulate rain. And then to collect some of it as it falls to the ground and analyze it, to see what has gotten disolved.
I can not say why it is brilliant, I just feel that it is (maybe it has already been done). I do not know what new knowledge that could be deduced, but I bet that there is enough there to warrant someone (who takes some time to write a grant proposal) a big wad of doe. That someone is not me, but I would gladly take part of the work.
2012-08-14
Tech
I started to look for a good external hard drive to use as a photo backup drive. And all I could find was a jungle. I can't decide what brand, what model, what size, whats not, whats hot...
I started to look at some cameras instead, but that quickly turned into some serious drooling over some obscure lenses that I definitely do not need. I thought a while about buying some photo software, but noticed that I then have to upgrade my operating system. So, naturally I started looking into buying a new computer, a macbook with a retina display is perhaps not what the doctor ordered, but I can not even decide what type of computer I should go for.
Darn it. I need to get my hand on some serious doe, and then hire a personal shopper that can figure out what it is that I need and then buys the stuff for me.
I started to look at some cameras instead, but that quickly turned into some serious drooling over some obscure lenses that I definitely do not need. I thought a while about buying some photo software, but noticed that I then have to upgrade my operating system. So, naturally I started looking into buying a new computer, a macbook with a retina display is perhaps not what the doctor ordered, but I can not even decide what type of computer I should go for.
Darn it. I need to get my hand on some serious doe, and then hire a personal shopper that can figure out what it is that I need and then buys the stuff for me.
2012-07-31
Originals
Someone has given a watch to the 'Excuse me, do you know what time it is?' man. One of our originals here where I live, who used to ask everyone what time it was.
And the man with flower tights, now walks around in regular black or pink tights.
And I have not seen the woman who screams at her children scream at here children in a while (but that might be cause I am to occupied screaming at my own children to notice).
And the man with flower tights, now walks around in regular black or pink tights.
And I have not seen the woman who screams at her children scream at here children in a while (but that might be cause I am to occupied screaming at my own children to notice).
2012-07-23
A year ago
A year ago today I sat in a room at the hospital and I cried.
I listened to the radio in short bursts, I could take no more than half a minute before I had to turn it off.
I could not comprehend that anyone could be so evil.
They were kids.
Innocent kids.
In my arms lay my new baby boy. And I cried.
"There are no monsters" - A lie that I will have to repeat over and over again, a lie that I really have to sell to keep him feel safe and secure as he grows up. But we all know it is not true.
I listened to the radio in short bursts, I could take no more than half a minute before I had to turn it off.
I could not comprehend that anyone could be so evil.
They were kids.
Innocent kids.
In my arms lay my new baby boy. And I cried.
"There are no monsters" - A lie that I will have to repeat over and over again, a lie that I really have to sell to keep him feel safe and secure as he grows up. But we all know it is not true.
2012-06-17
I-lands problem
Did I ever tell you about our elevator?
No?
Well, here goes.
It is a regular elevator, you open a door, get in, press a button and the elevator takes you up or down. Just like an elevator is supposed to do.
But.
The buttons are labeled in a fashion that makes anyone not aware of it totally confused. The ground floor is nr 2. So if you want to go one floor up, i.e. to floor nr 1, you press 3. And so on. And if you get in to the elevator on one of the upper floors and have a desire to get out of the building you must press 2. That problem is usually avoided by marking the ground floor with, for example, a green button, but not in our elevator.
To add to the confusion, the list in the lobby is also numbered wrong. We, who live two stairs up, live on the third level according to the list. So, that is, If you walk, you go Two stairs up, to the Third level. But if you take the elevator you should press nr 4. Logical right?
The elevator also has a button that you can press to get the door to open if you are to lazy to actually push the door open, or if you are crippled, in wich case my sarcastic tone in the beginning of this sentence should be ignored. The door opening mechanism only works on some of the floors, But, if you press the button anywhere the motor on the bottom floor spins into action trying to open a door that is locked, cause the elevator ain´t there.
To top it all of, as the elevator arrives at a floor it slows down, stops and then after a little to long time (maybe 0.5 seconds) the door makes a sound indicating that it is now open. During my professional career as a mailman I have tried to fine tune my elevator door opening skills so that I open the door the exact moment as the door is unlocked, much in the same way that Usain Bolt explodes out of the starting blocks, But my own elevator fools me every time. You see, the door actually opens 0.2 seconds After the sound that my brain interprets as the start-gun. Hence I bump into the door with my shoulder and bounce back, leaving me standing there, with a warning for false start hanging over me...
So, that was the story of our elevator. Hope you enjoyed.
No?
Well, here goes.
It is a regular elevator, you open a door, get in, press a button and the elevator takes you up or down. Just like an elevator is supposed to do.
But.
The buttons are labeled in a fashion that makes anyone not aware of it totally confused. The ground floor is nr 2. So if you want to go one floor up, i.e. to floor nr 1, you press 3. And so on. And if you get in to the elevator on one of the upper floors and have a desire to get out of the building you must press 2. That problem is usually avoided by marking the ground floor with, for example, a green button, but not in our elevator.
To add to the confusion, the list in the lobby is also numbered wrong. We, who live two stairs up, live on the third level according to the list. So, that is, If you walk, you go Two stairs up, to the Third level. But if you take the elevator you should press nr 4. Logical right?
The elevator also has a button that you can press to get the door to open if you are to lazy to actually push the door open, or if you are crippled, in wich case my sarcastic tone in the beginning of this sentence should be ignored. The door opening mechanism only works on some of the floors, But, if you press the button anywhere the motor on the bottom floor spins into action trying to open a door that is locked, cause the elevator ain´t there.
To top it all of, as the elevator arrives at a floor it slows down, stops and then after a little to long time (maybe 0.5 seconds) the door makes a sound indicating that it is now open. During my professional career as a mailman I have tried to fine tune my elevator door opening skills so that I open the door the exact moment as the door is unlocked, much in the same way that Usain Bolt explodes out of the starting blocks, But my own elevator fools me every time. You see, the door actually opens 0.2 seconds After the sound that my brain interprets as the start-gun. Hence I bump into the door with my shoulder and bounce back, leaving me standing there, with a warning for false start hanging over me...
So, that was the story of our elevator. Hope you enjoyed.
2012-06-12
Toothpaste
Use an amount of toothpaste corresponding to the child's pinky nail.
I think it is rather disturbing that I am supposed to know the volume of my kids nails.
I think it is rather disturbing that I am supposed to know the volume of my kids nails.
2012-06-03
A doctors note
I am rather pleased with myself for the brilliant idea I had last week.
If you are about three years old and happen to hurt yourself, you are only allowed to cry if you have a note from your doctor that says that you are actually in pain.
The rule came in to effect after a sudden surge in small accidents that resulted in disproportional amounts of tears and a constant need of the pacifier. No more I said. Do you have a doctors note I said. And it works. The 'test subject' gets distracted and in nine out of ten cases the tears ceases. Now if the tears do keep coming, I am not really so cruel that I force him to work his way through the healthcare system to actually get affirmation from his doctor (that would only add more pain), I simply take care of the injury the best I can (a hug and to blow a little puff of air in the general direction of the hurt section of his body takes care of most injuries...)
If you are about three years old and happen to hurt yourself, you are only allowed to cry if you have a note from your doctor that says that you are actually in pain.
The rule came in to effect after a sudden surge in small accidents that resulted in disproportional amounts of tears and a constant need of the pacifier. No more I said. Do you have a doctors note I said. And it works. The 'test subject' gets distracted and in nine out of ten cases the tears ceases. Now if the tears do keep coming, I am not really so cruel that I force him to work his way through the healthcare system to actually get affirmation from his doctor (that would only add more pain), I simply take care of the injury the best I can (a hug and to blow a little puff of air in the general direction of the hurt section of his body takes care of most injuries...)
2012-05-13
That awkward moment
when you realize that you have totally taken over the lego construction from your three year old...
The worst thing is when I get mad at him when he is just trying to 'help'...
2012-04-05
Memory
Often as I lay down with my youngest trying to get him to fall asleep I think about my breathing. He usually thrashes about, tries to gouge my eyes out, pulls on my beard and kicks me in the groin, and doing that he breaths quite fast. To infuse calm into him I breath calmly and controlled as I, more or less successfully, try to get control of his flailing limbs.
And this always brings me back to when I was young and for some reason or other got to sleep next to my father. I was mesmerized by his slow breathing and I tried to mimic it. A futile task of course since the breathing period depends on how large you are (a humming bird breaths much more rapidly than a blue whale for example), but still a great way to fall asleep since you get oxygen deprivation if you force yourself to breath slower than your medulla oblongata wants you to.
And this always brings me back to when I was young and for some reason or other got to sleep next to my father. I was mesmerized by his slow breathing and I tried to mimic it. A futile task of course since the breathing period depends on how large you are (a humming bird breaths much more rapidly than a blue whale for example), but still a great way to fall asleep since you get oxygen deprivation if you force yourself to breath slower than your medulla oblongata wants you to.
2012-03-27
Art project
In one of the parks that we frequently visits there is a 'talk pipe'. A pipe buried in the ground, about 20 m long, with open ends where two people can talk to each other as if they were close by. Like the ones on submarines (or like the once that used to exist on submarines, I hope that they have come up with something a little bit more high-tech by now). It is fun for kids of all ages!
For a long time now I have thought about placing some type of recording device down that pipe and then making an art exhibit where I play the nuggets that I am sure to get. I do expect that most of the conversations that takes place are just kids playing around and that can be fun, but now and again I bet that adults say stuff they expect to be private. Stuff worth recording.
For a long time now I have thought about placing some type of recording device down that pipe and then making an art exhibit where I play the nuggets that I am sure to get. I do expect that most of the conversations that takes place are just kids playing around and that can be fun, but now and again I bet that adults say stuff they expect to be private. Stuff worth recording.
2012-03-02
Mars
This is the best I can do with my current equipment. I clearly need better stuff. A telescope perhaps? Or wait, have I not been down this road of thought quite recently?
Quite fittingly it is now Mars the month. Thankfully the ugly February is over, the light has returned to us in the north and spring is soon upon us.
2012-02-10
Telescope
Often when I gaze up at the heaven and see Jupiter or Venus chasing the moon around the sky I get an urge to buy a decent telescope. It would be great to watch the rings of Saturn and remote galaxies together with my family.
But then I remember that I live in a city, so the view would be limited. So we would have to drive out of the city and find a nice dark place to set it up - But to do that we would have to buy a car, or possibly a house in the countryside. This is the point in my train of thought where I suddenly loose interest in buying a telescope.
But then I remember that I live in a city, so the view would be limited. So we would have to drive out of the city and find a nice dark place to set it up - But to do that we would have to buy a car, or possibly a house in the countryside. This is the point in my train of thought where I suddenly loose interest in buying a telescope.
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