The Guerilla Bicycle Repair man

I once had a great idea that I forgot to tell you about, but better late than never right?

What do you think about my chances if I applied for money (from the EU) to do some guerilla bike repair.

You know all the bike parking-lots around town. If you look closely you see that often more than half (yes, I have actually been out collecting the statistics) are in some kind of disrepair. Many people are not that handy and when their bike fails, via a flat tyre, broken breaks or worn down chain it often becomes a hurdle to large to conquer. So they leave the bike at the closest stand and continues on with their life. A life that is a little less environmentally friendly, a life with less spontaneous everyday workout, a life that is just a little bit worse than it was before.

So, my idea is to stealthily repair the bikes. Ill pick the lock, repair the flat tyres, grease up the chain, fix the breaks, give it a quick polish and lock it again. Ill leave behind a note stating that

'This bike was repaired by the Guerilla Bicycle Repair man, with funds from the EU

Fare well, and remember to use a helmet'

Yes, I know that you can get your bike repaired at the shop, but you don't do you? The hurdle is too great. You use your car instead. Because that is easy. And then you get used to the car again. And then the bike gets forgotten... But if you one day happen to walk by your old bike and sees that, hey? what?, is that my bike?! Cool new tyres (special ones with my Guerilla Bicycle Repair man logo on and a EU flag)... You see? Isn't it a great idea? Would not people get on their bikes again? Is it not a great way to help save the environment? To help fight the growing health problems?

I am doing it, I am f***ing doing it. Anybody know where I should send my application? And where to get custom tyres made?

Is it a boy or a girl

I know. I do it to. But that does not mean that I can not complain when other people do it right? (maybe it does, but here goes anyway)

Buying a bike to my kid, the salesman asks - is it for a boy or a girl? And I almost flip. Its a bike. It should have two wheels, pedals, breaks, a seat and a steering device. Why should this purchase in any way be determined by the gender of the kid? Why should a girl need to have a basket on her pink bicycle? Argh. Why can I not buy a gender neutral bike?

Then I turn around and hears that an acquaintance is expecting a child and the first thing I ask is - is it a boy or a girl?

(That and the fact that I think that all princess stories where the girl is depicted as a helpless being frothed in pink should be hidden away deep in the library and movie vendors cellars is my contribution to the gender debate)

Don't you just love it

when things just magically optimize themselves?

Cucumber glue!!!

Whilst cleaning the daycare today I came up with yet another one of my classic Great Ideas! Who is with me in developing a totally eco-friendly strong as shit glue out of cucumber? Nothing sticks to a linoleum floor as good as a slice of that green stuff left to really dry out. There must be some magic going on there and I bet that the power can be applied to other materials as well.

Soda -> Stupid in da head

Today I commented that 'Well, wasn't that unnecessary?' to one of the ~10 year old kids in the park that just kicked on his empty soda bottle so that it broke against a bench. 'Yea, wasn't it?' one of his compadres replied. He started to pick the pieces up and I left them sitting there, probably thinking I was stupid and what not. Minutes later they were all gone and I noticed that the broken bottle was still on the ground, together with one other and a soda can that was twisted so that sharp pieces of metal protruded from it.
The only explanation I can come up with is that soda makes you fucking stupid in the head. There should really be an age limit for buying that shit, or maybe it should be banned all together.

Kind of blue

Your taxes makes me kind of blue and dirty. 

Solution:

This is how we ought to solve the problem of low security around our nuclear plants (in regards to this):

1. Put up sign: Trespassers will be shot.
2. Shoot trespassers.

How the hell can we swedes be so fucking weak in regards to something so fucking important?

2010 - wtf

Ok, who here thinks that maybe, just maybe, we, as a people, by the year 2010 would be able to construct a car - or every car - such that if you by mistake leave an interior light on it would, after a couple of days - maybe when the battery is about to run out of juice - by itself, decide that - hmm, this is probably not right - I will turn that light off so that the owner of me will be able to start me next time he/she requires my assistance?

First Book

My son Tage (4.5y) is writing on his first book. It might become a manual for life I think. This is what he has written so far (although, as he is not fluent in English, he writes in Swedish):

You are not allowed to destroy 

each others pictures in the sand.

You may ...

Written by Tage

My wife said tonight that her first book was a collection of her impression of people. This person is nice. That person is funny. That really hit a spot in my memory from back in the days. Not of writing books. Not even of a time when I was four. But back in the early days of my computerized life. Lets say it was in 7'th grade (I am really unsure of the correct time, but when I think of the people involved it kind of ends up around there). Back then I wrote a Incredibly complex BASIC program on my C64 that, if you entered a persons name (probably people in my class), wrote on the screen a small tidbit on that person. 

    Enter a name: Kristoffer

    Kristoffer is good at ...

I wonder. I really wonder, if this program is still somewhere in my digital archive. Could it be worth going down to the basement and digging through old boxes, finding old floppys, get a computer to read them and look for that specific program among dozens and dozens of programs and texts and stuff. Is it there to be found? What can I learn of myself as a teenager? 

Or Maybe I should just construct a new such 'program' and enter a sentence or two about each and every person that is part of my social network. In the style of the early teen Mattias of course. And then put it up on a webpage somewhere for the whole world to enjoy. 

Fun project, who is with me?

Just got an incredibly funny idea watching CSI NY.

Lets go through all films and TV series that has ever shown a fingerprint. We will build a register and do a serious analysis of them. What do you think? Is every fingerprint shown on CSI actually one and the same? Can we match prints to actors/staff on the shows? Will we discover that the prints are not real but just an artists rendering?

Who has got the time to spare? Who wants to be on the front page on WIRED? Who is with me?

Silly I know

I have walked past this sign almost every day now for several months and I still think it is funny. Silly, but funny. 

No no, we do not sell time traveling t-shirts here, our t-shirts only have three dimensions. (T-Shirt 3D Only)

I wonder

I wonder what the fastest way of sorting Lego (into monochrome piles) is.
Should you start by first picking out all the blue, then all the red and so on, or
Should you pick a blue, then a red... Or
Should you construct a robot that can do the task for you.

Hi there Scranton, Pennsylvania

(This is me being interactive with my readers!)

Saffron

Thinking that saffron must have some interesting spectroscopic properties during the baking yesterday led me to dreaming about my old lab. In my dreams I found a laptop that once belonged to me. I got the password in my first attempt and all my research was right there. Then someone loudly announced that he needed help with the blanket and I awoke to a rather gloomy day... 

WTF computers

I wrote a rant the other day on a social media. Basically I hate computers (most specifically win8). It goes something like this (in swedish, use your favourite translator if you are not fluent):
Det jag försökte göra när jag blev förbannad var att ordna ett konto på datorn som T kan använda. Fint, man kan skapa ett barnkonot där man kan ange vilka program som kan användas. Jag blockar alla utan några spel, precis som jag vill, men Nä, det som händer är att 200 olika appar pockar på uppmärksamhet och säger 'be din förälder att godkänna att den här appen får köra', och det är appar och program som jag inte har en aning om vad de gör, olika Launchers etc etc. Det finns ingen info om vad de gör någonstans utan det är bara att godkänna eller fortsätta blocka, båda alternativen gör att samma app igen frågar 'be din förälder godkänna att du kör den här appen'. Fan. tillslut så godkänner jag de som är jobbigast och hoppas att det inte inkluderar 'shredd this file' alternativ... Ok, men hur lägger man nu till nya spel? Jag lägger till några på mitt konto och tänker att nu är det nog bara att godkänna dom till T's konto. Tror ni det? Onej, de nya spelen dyker inte upp i listan över program/appar som man kan godkänna eller blocka. Försöker göra detta lite snabbt efter lunchen (när T ska få spela lite medans jag lägger K för hans lunch-nap), båda barnen står och tjatar på mig och när jag misslyckas totalt över den här jävla skitgrejen så exploderar jag så att båda barnen börjar gråta... 
AAAAAAAAAAhhhhh, Fuck! Loathing, hate and fury.

Today I noticed that my virus protection was gone. Apparently the windows 8.1 upgrade removes any virus programs that are installed, without telling the user that it does just that. Thanx. 

Usb cables. WTF? Why the hell did they not design it so that it doesn't matter which way you put it in? fiddle fiddle fiddle, bend arout the entire desk to try and locate the hole, and ah, I must turn it around to get it in. AAAAAAAHrrrrgghhh fuuuuck.

Whilst installing windows it prompts me to stroke the screen from the outside and in to get this and that to happen. I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING TOUCHSCREEN. You ought to know that! If you have to design a operating system that runs on your fucking pads and shit do that but could you please just do me a solid and design another one that works for us billions that still have a ordinary fucking computer. 

Apps: 
Just give me a fucking regular program version with a window that I can relocate, resize, close, minimize, have in the background, multi task with. Apps works fine on a Pad I am sure, where the screen is small and the cpu can not handle multi tasking, but I use a computor with lots of cpu, lost of ram and a big fucking screen. Let me use it.

Give me a fucking universal way to shut a program down. Give me a fucking Quit button. Or ok, let me use Alt-F4, but let that be the one and only way to do it then. And if I press Alt-F4, then the program should fucking shut up and shut down. No, I do not want Skype to keep running in the background, I want to shut the fuck off. 

gggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh