I wonder

I wonder what the fastest way of sorting Lego (into monochrome piles) is.
Should you start by first picking out all the blue, then all the red and so on, or
Should you pick a blue, then a red... Or
Should you construct a robot that can do the task for you.

Hi there Scranton, Pennsylvania

(This is me being interactive with my readers!)

Saffron

Thinking that saffron must have some interesting spectroscopic properties during the baking yesterday led me to dreaming about my old lab. In my dreams I found a laptop that once belonged to me. I got the password in my first attempt and all my research was right there. Then someone loudly announced that he needed help with the blanket and I awoke to a rather gloomy day... 

WTF computers

I wrote a rant the other day on a social media. Basically I hate computers (most specifically win8). It goes something like this (in swedish, use your favourite translator if you are not fluent):
Det jag försökte göra när jag blev förbannad var att ordna ett konto på datorn som T kan använda. Fint, man kan skapa ett barnkonot där man kan ange vilka program som kan användas. Jag blockar alla utan några spel, precis som jag vill, men Nä, det som händer är att 200 olika appar pockar på uppmärksamhet och säger 'be din förälder att godkänna att den här appen får köra', och det är appar och program som jag inte har en aning om vad de gör, olika Launchers etc etc. Det finns ingen info om vad de gör någonstans utan det är bara att godkänna eller fortsätta blocka, båda alternativen gör att samma app igen frågar 'be din förälder godkänna att du kör den här appen'. Fan. tillslut så godkänner jag de som är jobbigast och hoppas att det inte inkluderar 'shredd this file' alternativ... Ok, men hur lägger man nu till nya spel? Jag lägger till några på mitt konto och tänker att nu är det nog bara att godkänna dom till T's konto. Tror ni det? Onej, de nya spelen dyker inte upp i listan över program/appar som man kan godkänna eller blocka. Försöker göra detta lite snabbt efter lunchen (när T ska få spela lite medans jag lägger K för hans lunch-nap), båda barnen står och tjatar på mig och när jag misslyckas totalt över den här jävla skitgrejen så exploderar jag så att båda barnen börjar gråta... 
AAAAAAAAAAhhhhh, Fuck! Loathing, hate and fury.

Today I noticed that my virus protection was gone. Apparently the windows 8.1 upgrade removes any virus programs that are installed, without telling the user that it does just that. Thanx. 

Usb cables. WTF? Why the hell did they not design it so that it doesn't matter which way you put it in? fiddle fiddle fiddle, bend arout the entire desk to try and locate the hole, and ah, I must turn it around to get it in. AAAAAAAHrrrrgghhh fuuuuck.

Whilst installing windows it prompts me to stroke the screen from the outside and in to get this and that to happen. I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING TOUCHSCREEN. You ought to know that! If you have to design a operating system that runs on your fucking pads and shit do that but could you please just do me a solid and design another one that works for us billions that still have a ordinary fucking computer. 

Apps: 
Just give me a fucking regular program version with a window that I can relocate, resize, close, minimize, have in the background, multi task with. Apps works fine on a Pad I am sure, where the screen is small and the cpu can not handle multi tasking, but I use a computor with lots of cpu, lost of ram and a big fucking screen. Let me use it.

Give me a fucking universal way to shut a program down. Give me a fucking Quit button. Or ok, let me use Alt-F4, but let that be the one and only way to do it then. And if I press Alt-F4, then the program should fucking shut up and shut down. No, I do not want Skype to keep running in the background, I want to shut the fuck off. 

gggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Remembering the key

Every afternoon I have the same problem, a wiring error in my brain you might say:  As I walk up to the door at the daycare storage room to get the stroller I pick up my keys from my right pocket and proceed to sort out the correct one. And just as I am about to insert the key into the lock I realize that, No, that is not the correct key, that is the key to my home. I think about the absurdity that I did it once again, will I never learn, as I open the door with the right one. As I roll out the stroller I contemplate blogging about this, a thought that completely escapes my mind when I meet my kids seconds later. These thoughts are nowhere to be seen for the next 23h59m. Much like sitting on the loo and thinking 'I should really put toilet paper on the shopping list'.

To: Colgate

I just had the greatest idea in a long time.
You know the feeling you have when you, after a hard workout for example, almost fall asleep on the couch watching the tube (yes we still own a fat screen), and you drag yourself up and into the bathroom to just brush your teeth before falling comatose on the bed, but the act of brushing makes you feel alert again? Well, it happens to me quite often... So, what we need is a toothpaste with some fast acting sleep medicine!
Of course there must be a counter part that you can use in the morning, paste with caffeine or something similar.
The different tubes must be marked in such a way that mix ups are avoided at all costs.
Come on Colgate! I'm giving it away. Do it!

Södra sveriges högsta vattenfall

Stalpet, södra Sveriges högsta vattenfall (20m), fick sig ett besök förra helgen. Nästan lika imponerande som Niagarafallen var när jag besökte dem för 15 år sedan...

Guided tour

During one of our rare weekends_without_children we visited Tjolöholms castle south of Göteborg. One of the advantages of being without kids is that you can take a guided tour, and actually listen and learn something, instead of using 100% of your attention span trying to dampen your offspring's destructive forces.
But when one of the elderly participants of the tour suddenly falls to the ground and your first thought is 'Ambulance, we need an ambulance here Now' and you get out your phone, dial 122, fuck, 112, your heart races, your hands are shaking, (meanwhile someone else checks on the man), you finally (30 seconds after the head hit the ground, but if felt like 300) get someone on the other line, 'I am at Tjolhöholms slott (yes I know it sounds made up, but it is a real place), an elderly man has crashed to the ground during a tour, we need an ambulance' My voice is totally transformed, tence, concentrated. The man at SOS alarm askes me something and then the connection drops. Fuck. Walls consisting of a meter of rock is not the best thing for cell phones, why did they not think of that a hundred and ten years ago whilst building the place? I run around trying to get more bars on my phone and get a callback. They tell me a car is on the way and then I loose them again. Fuck.
I return to the group and the man is awake. He is groggy but starting to recover. He says he is ok and refuses that he needs to go to a hospital. After a while he gets some help to sit up on a chair and he looks, not good, but ok. When he fell I immediately thought that his heart had stopped, but it seems that he fainted due to the heat and the crowded space.
The man from SOS alarm calls me back once again and I explain the current situation and he determines that ok, we turn the ambulance around, but that we should call back if the situation changes for the worse again.
I hang up and try to compose myself. I am shaking. I am crying. After a minute or two I return to the tour that had resumed, but for the next twenty minutes I am zoned out and learn very little of the thrilling story of the castles history.
In the end I contributed next to nothing, but in the moment it was as real as things get.

Pact

Some time ago I went into a pact with a friend. We were to push each other to be more creative, my friend was to write and submit something to some contest, and I was to submit something to a photography contest.

And swooosh, the deadlines that we had put up said as they rushed by. Swooosh. No contests yet.

But maybe, just maybe, something good will come out of it. I have recently signed up on a new (to me) photography site. I hope that it will be as good as usefilm.com, that disappeared a year ago due to a catastrophic server crash (back up your shit folks), was. The idea is that you can submit photos and get and give critiques and ratings. The good thing is that you learn a lot and get inspired and encouraged. The problem is that you look at some really good work and get discouraged because your own work does not measure up...

Anyhow, I intend to build up my portfolio from scratch, and if you are interested you can have a look here.

Dear Mr/Mrs Architect

Dear Mr/Mrs Architect,
Please tell me how you were thinking when you designed the balcony of our apartment. Did you never stop for a minute and think of the implications of a 5 cm gap between the floor and outer wall? Did you never, during the construction or testing, drop anything cylindrical or spherical and observe as it disappeared down to the balcony below or down to the street? Did you never consider what a child would do with such a gap and just about anything it gets its hands on?
I will find you and I will claim reimbursement for all the toys, flower sticks, clothe pins, pine cones and stones that is no longer in our possession due to your incompetents. (I also want to say to our down stairs neighbors: sorry for all the stuff we drop on you, but it really is not our fault.)

Multiverse

I listened to an old episode of the podcast Infinite Monkey Cage today, and they talked about parallel universes. (Basically - there is a strong possibility that there are an infinite number of universes where all possible variations of bloody everything happens...(My brain just says no to the idea, but what does my brain know?)). 

Anyhow, a little while later I had picked up the kids from day care and was walking home when Tage says:

"Dad, are we going to day care tomorrow?"

"Yes"

"Contemplate if I went there and stayed at home, then I would have been at both places simultaneously!"

I started to explain the multiple universe thing, but got interrupted by some sand in his shoe that desperately needed to get out. 

Idea

I'm giving away another great idea, an idea that I got today for no specific reason...

It's a tweak to google-calendar (etc) that I call 'Don't forget to call your mother on Mothers day you nitwit'. In addition to reminding you of doing it, it actually checks your call-list, and if you, by the end of the day have not called her, your phone actually dials the number for you.

Somebody make it happen. Please.

A tooth paste tube theory

I have a theory about tooth paste. Do you want to hear it? If so, read on.

You can never run out of tooth paste. There is always some left in the tube, enough to satisfactory brush your teeth (in a pinch). Sure, the work needed to extract the toothpaste increases as the volume of remaining paste decreases, and at some point it simply gets easier to walk to the store and buy a new tube of your personal favourite than to, say, rent a bulldozer to squeeze some out on your tooth brush. I also think the neighbours would be rather annoyed if I started a dozer in my apartment at 6:40 in the morning...

Globe

Why have I never been forced to paint a Globe?
To actually mark out where on earth everything is on an actual globe, to draw the latitudes and longitudes, continents and countries, oceans and rivers, would have taught me so incredibly much about geography. It would be a knowledge that would burn itself deep in the brain of anyone doing it.
Why is that not an obligatory assignment in school? Is there no time somewhere between the first and ninth year in the swedish educational system where such a task could fit in? Flat maps only distorts the understanding of the world, they teach me nothing. I say 'To hell with flat maps!'. I firmly believe that the world would be a better place if everyone was forced to carry around their own painstakingly crafted globes where ever they went. 

Lists

Sometimes I get the urge to catalog all of a specific item that we own. I have never done it (possibly because I really do not want to become any more like Sheldon than I already am). But would it not be nice to have a complete inventory of e.g.

• All children toys. (Including number of all the different lego-pieces that we have. Make and model and story behind all the small: cars / stuffed toys / plastic thingies... )
• Books.
• Camera gear.
• Coat hangers (would it not be great to see where all the hangers come from? (don't think that I am kidding, I have actually thought about doing this list several times this last week (just in our hallway we have hangers labeled 'Vara', 'E för kvalitet' and 'Sidenvaruhuset', how did they come into our home?))).

The list of stuff I want to make lists of can probably become larger, but I stop myself here. 

(After reading what I just wrote, I realize that I was lying. I have started on both the book and camera gear lists, probably several times. Sorry for lying to you.)

Drag

||: Drag drag. Drag drag.
''Lift your feet''
''Why?''
''Because I ask you to''
''Okey''
Klomp klomp. Klomp klomp. Drag drag. Drag drag. :|| (repeat indefinitely)

I understand now mom and dad. I understand how increadibly anoying it was. I am sorry.

Diary

I think a lot about memories these days.
My childhood memories are very fragmented and I would like that my sons have a better record of their early years than I do. I have only a few photographs of myself back then, and that will not be the case for them. I also try to write stuff down, but I have never been very good at keeping a diary myself (K is better when it comes to that). But I have tried. I know that I did keep some kind of journal on my C64 back in the days. And even if I have always tried to bring all my files when I migrate to a new system I think they have gotten lost some time long ago, even before the double-system crash I experienced some years ago, when both my laptop and stationary machine decided to give up simultaneously (so much for that back-up system). But maybe, just maybe, there might be a copy on a 3.5' floppy down in the cellar. I wounder if I can get the Amiga to work.

(Funny that Tage just came with a tape cassette and asked what the heck that was.)

Tage

Walking home the other day Tage asked me what would happen if you pushed on the man and not on the button on the 'I want to cross the road, please change the lights'-apparatus. 'Does it get green immediately then?'

A long time ago he noticed that you can push on the text at the bottom (on the one that opens our front door at least) to get it to work, so who knows? Maybe he is right. But I can not test it, because then I would have lived a long time - pressing the button (as instructed) and waiting (as a fool), instead of pressing the man and going directly. Do you dare to push the man?

I am shattered

Ok, a classic post.

The frequency of this here blog has gone down. I believe that it might be due to that I am trying to be active here, on facebook, on twitter and on g+ all at the same time. My short witty remarks and observations of my surrounding need a home, and I choose you my dear blog.

Black spots

A few days ago I hanged a 'prism ball' in the window and Tage sat and looked at the small dots of rainbow that floated around the room. He thought about it for a while and then he said 'During the night there will be no spots. Cause there is no sun during the night. BUT maybe there will be dark spots.'

Me-time

Inskolningen går in i sitt andra skede -> Jag är hemma på standby om det inte skulle funka.

Mattiastid? Vad är det? Vad gör man själv i 6 timmar? Har inte upplevt det sedan.. hmm.. sedan förra gången det var inskolning.

Börjar med en kopp kaffe. Finkaffe. Och lite kakor kanske. Utan att man behöver tänka på vart kaffekoppen står. Utan att man hör gnäll från någon avundsjuk individ som också vill ha. Kanske lystna på radio och faktiskt kunna höra vad det är dom pratar om. Sen kanske en film. Eller sova. Vem vet.