Abstinence

I have abstinence. MASH abstinence. Have been thinking about it for some time. Bits and pieces of the show pops up in my head at strange times. I am a fan. I have been a fan for a long time. Back when I was in 9'th grade, or was it my first year in 'gymnasiet (blir alltid kollrig när jag försöker översätta det till engelska, mest för att det inte går att översätta då skolsytemen är helt olika)', (or was it even earlier? I don't remember), I had a couple of tapes that I watched over and over. It was a way of killing time. Come home after school, pop in a MASH tape, slip down into the fake leather sofa and soon four hours had gone by. I had the tapes memorized. My dad did more that once comment on this, 'are you watching that again, have you not seen it a million times already???'. I don't think he saw it as the best way to spend my youth. But I liked it, and I still like it. I think I have learnt stuff from the show. I think I am a different person cause of it. The way I express myself, my sense of humour and a big part of my medical knowledge comes from that show. (I am almost half convinced that I would be able to perform an emergency tracheotomy). I have the entire series on dvd's and I have watched all of it countless of times. But right now it has been almost a year since I last caught an episode. A year I have stayed clean. But now I feel the pull. I feel the need to not just watch one episode, but to watch episodes back to back until I pass out from sheer exhaustion. Once an addict always an addict.

Or maybe all I need is a slice of the bread that just came out of the oven. With some butter and orange marmalade.

Through Early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see
That Suicide is Painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please